It only hurts when I breathe: Mets fan or pneumonia?

After being sick for nearly a month, my body finally crashed on Monday. I thought I contacted the flu but found out that I have pneumonia. I also found out that pneumonia is the sixth-leading cause of death in the United States. Fortunately for me, most deaths occur in children or the elderly. Sometimes it’s good to be middle-aged.

In a weird kind of way, the symptoms and side effects of pneumonia were familiar to me. So play along as we examine some of these with the game: Mets fan or pneumonia?

You have a high fever and the chills. Are you:
A. Suffering from pneumonia
B. Reacting to potential trades of both R.A. Dickey and David Wright

You are on the floor worshipping the porcelain god. Are you:
A. Suffering from pneumonia
B. Reacting to Terry Collins’ bullpen deployment

You are in a strange room with a strange person holding your hands above your head. Are you:
A. Getting a chest x-ray to determine if you have pneumonia
B. Trying to get 2013 All-Star tickets

A stranger pulls down your pants and gets ready to put something in your buttocks. Are you:
A. Receiving a shot to begin treatment for pneumonia
B. A Mets fan getting ready for a three-game series at Turner Field

You are asked to put a tube in your mouth that’s hooked up to a machine and instructed to breathe. Are you:
A. Doing more treatment
B. Just pulled over by the cops and being administered a breathalyzer after a night of self-medicating at the bar after another pitiful night for the Mets’ offense

You are in pain, unable to breathe regularly or stay upright for long stretches. Are you:
A. Suffering from pneumonia
B. Mimicking Ike Davis’ April and May


I’m doing a little better every day and am grateful that I did not have to be hospitalized. And I’m still in better shape than our friend Charlie Hangley, who has gone 11 days without power. Here’s hoping that everyone reading this has both their health and their electricity and that Athena does not make either situation worse.

8 comments for “It only hurts when I breathe: Mets fan or pneumonia?

  1. steevy
    November 9, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Yeah,that Pneumonia can sneak up on you.If you aren’t in the categories you mention or sickly,you’ll be okay though,Thankfully.You’ll still have the Mets to make you sick!(Though at least TC wont have Bay to run out there)

  2. Chris F
    November 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Get better amigo. I answered Mets fan on every question.
    Perhaps I need counseling!


  3. November 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    I have now had Pneumonia twice in the last three years (I escaped last year). It takes TIME to really get better, be careful. The Met fan thing I categorize more as a mental illness and I am afflicted there as well, but I tell myself it’s a good thing.

  4. November 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm


    Hope you get feeling better soon. My situation may not be remedied for at least another week, I’m hearing. But I’ll be at work on Tuesday and plan on submitting something at least legible that day.

  5. TJ
    November 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Get well and relax. I sense, albeit without any evidence, that this winter will be much better than last for us Met fans. We’ll secure DW, and we’ll either secure RA affordably (hopefully) or get back a decent return in dealing him. And, the OF can’t be any worse than last year. Perhaps a real closer and affordable CF/leadoff hitter over the holidays and away we go.

  6. Name
    November 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Get well Brian.

    I’m ready for the Hot Stove to start. This is the most boring time of the year.

  7. Metsense
    November 9, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Humor is a great remedy. I hope you recover fully and get well soon.

  8. November 10, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Thanks for all of your support!

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