Monday catch-all thread (6/24/19)

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) ‘Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I’ve got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show…

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything…

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘Ello Polly!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that’s what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

Mr. Praline: Stunned?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: Pinin’ for the Fjords?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin’ on it’s back! Remarkable bird, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ’em apart with its beak, and Voom! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: “Voom”?!? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

Owner: No no! ‘E’s pining!

Mr. Praline: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! This is an ex Parrot!!

*****

Robinson Cano has a .228/.276/.371 triple slash line in 210 PA.

13 comments for “Monday catch-all thread (6/24/19)

  1. Mike Walczak
    June 24, 2019 at 8:03 am

    That was hysterical mate. I think the parrot is nailed to the batter’s box. He never runs.

  2. Metsense
    June 24, 2019 at 8:08 am

    Spamalot – “Bring Out Your Dead” – Monty Python

    ‘He is not yet dead
    That’s what the geezer said
    No, he’s not yet dead’

    (When Cano struck out in the ninth on three pitches and the catcher missed the ball and Cano did not run. He certainly appeared to be dead)

    “You homicidal bastard, now he’s really dead
    Who is the knave who put him in his grave
    And who needs to manage his anger?”

    (Callaway gets in a post game verbal fight with a reporter. He certainly appears to be dead)

    “Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life” – Oscar Wilde

  3. Chris F
    June 24, 2019 at 8:23 am

    Sure that’s Cano…

    Unfortunately it’s also a story about the 2019 Mets, and the organization as a whole.

    Does Callaway survive Monday? Should Callaway survive Monday? Try his antics at your work (…on second thought…) and see how long that lasts for job security.

    • Peter Hyatt
      June 24, 2019 at 8:39 am

      it should be interesting.

      Recall years ago, John Tortorella took a shot at NY Post, Larry Brooks, claiming Brooks was the ‘kid beat up at the bus stop.’

      Larry Brooks has, ever since then, made passive-aggressive snipes at Tortorella.

      Mickey Callaway and Vargas made sure the Newsday writer will take this shots, often packaged in “complementary” packaging.k.

      Does Callaway make it to 7:10PM?

    • Mike Walczak
      June 24, 2019 at 6:44 pm

      I think Callaway gets more rope. But if the Mets lose three out of four to the floundering Phil’s, maybe the ax will fall.

      Here is the reality. Callaway is a joke.

      Time to go bye bye.

      • Eraff
        June 25, 2019 at 7:27 am

        The questions about “who’s in charge” Are not so simple—— Joe Girardi May stay outside the lines because Baseball Management is now multi-layered, like every other business that is t run by a single entrepreneur.

        Whatever the debate on the roster construction and the events to date, the next 15-45 days will likely define this team’s next 3 years.

        I’d rather Win Now, but The Test is not the First Mistake— it’s what you do after the first mistake.

  4. June 24, 2019 at 9:36 am

    I always think of the Warren Spahn Quote on Casey Stengel… “I played for Casey before He was a Genius and After He Was a Genius”.

    All the years of Sniping at Collins, when His bench and Roster were short-sheeted ……. Terry had become a good manager of His Team and Locker Room.

    Callaway???? There’s heavy doubt about his performance, but this is and always is about Players. Specifically, His pitchers are not making Him look very smart. You can argue that He was Riding His best Guy—you can also argue that Lugo was tapped. You can’t argue with the other 16 blown saves.

    If Diaz was immaculate, and Noah and Wheeler gave you 75% of what they did last year, they’d be 3-5 games out—we’d be talking about Roster Additions. We’d be wondering whether we could Trade Dom Smith or JD Davis for Adam Jones!

    Managers are Hired to Be Fired….Calloway will be Fired when the Management decides that He’s no Longer a Body Shield for their ineptitude.

  5. MattyMets
    June 24, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    I’m no fan of Callaway’s, but what was he to do in the 8th inning? Once there were two men on base, I thought our only shot out of it was if Lugo could get a double play. Gsellman had to be saved for today. Diaz is no good with inherited runners and is forbidden from getting more than 4 outs (or is it 3?). Because of injuries to Familia, Wilson and Avilan and the demotion of Zamora the rest of the pen is a rotation of AAAA righties who mostly look like batting practice pitchers. For several years we keep waiting for any of those guys to step up. The only one who did a bit was Drew Smith, but he’s out for the year.

    The bullpen is an enigma. I blame BVW for the Cano trade, for bringing in the wrong catcher and signing Lowrie for no reason, but the pen he assembled looked good on paper before the season started.

    • Eraff
      June 24, 2019 at 5:12 pm

      agreed

  6. TJ
    June 24, 2019 at 3:08 pm

    I am no fan of Callaway’s, nor am I a fan of the press essentially asking the same question every day five different ways. Yes, it comes with the turn, and the manager cannot blow a gasket like that, but the whole setup strikes me as cat and mouse, with the press (maybe not Healey in this case, but overall) just prodding enough under the banner of “doing their job” to get a headline. And, shockingly, a headline.

    That said, the Mets excel in bringing trouble onto themselves, or bringing gas to the fire. What doesn’t get spoken about much is that Diaz does not have a clean pitching arm, and neither does Lugo. These happen to be their only tow decent guys in the pen this year, due to injury and poor roster construction. But whether it is imposed on the manager, or a collaboration, or whatever, there is nothing wrong with making a pitcher’s health paramount. The pitcher can’t help the team when he is hurt. So, Diaz and Lugo need protection, like it or not, and they have to set some boundaries. Four outs, five outs, x number of pitches, whatever. Fine.

    But what Callaway did Sunday made no sense. Lugo threw two Friday, albeit 17 pitches, and should have been unavailable Sunday. So, if giving him only one day rest in a must have game, why was he not used in the 8th rather than the 7th? Gsellman should have gotten the 7th, simply because the remaining guys – Pounders, Font, Flexen, and Nogosek have poor track records. Ok, maybe he didn’t trust Gsellman, then the choices are Pounders and Font. Going to Lugo for two innings made no sense. Going to Lugo in the 7th made no sense. Sending Lugo back out for the 8th after he clearly wasn’t sharp in the 7th made no sense. Regardless of who is making the decisions, the Mets make way to many bullpen moves that make no sense. Here and there, fine, debatable, but this is simply lousy, new school or old school.

  7. Mike Walczak
    June 25, 2019 at 11:36 am

    The Queens Zoo.

    • Mike Walczak
      June 25, 2019 at 5:54 pm

      I think the Callaway watch has started.

  8. June 26, 2019 at 12:40 pm

    Did a podcast with Tim McLeod yesterday. Had some technical difficulties be we soldiered on!

    Download and listen here — http://cast.rocks/hosting/13288/Tim-McLeod-62519.mp3

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